Have you ever had to deal with bullies? Unfortunately, most of us have. And, while we think bullying is something that happens and stays in childhood years, that’s simply not true. Bullying can leave deep and lifelong psychological scars on its victims. Bullying can also occur much later in life—so let’s see how to deal with it!
I came across an interesting video on Excel in Exams’ YouTube channel. In this video, performance psychologist Miranda Banks talks about dealing with bullying. Here are some key takeaways from her sage advice…
Why Are People Bullying Others?
Probably the worst thing about being bullied is that feeling of helplessness. You start to feel so small and weak, and that’s exactly what a bully wants – to make you feel inferior, as this is the only way they can feel empowered. Most bullies feel powerless in their own lives, so they try to assert dominance over others by bullying them.
Sadly, the effects and memories of bullying stay with us even decades after the bullying happened. People could spend decades building successful careers and good lives, and they will still remember the bullying.
Types of Bullying You Should Recognize
Bullying does not always look the same. It can be obvious, or it can be subtle and harder to recognize.
Here are some of the most common types of bullying:
Verbal bullying
Name-calling, insults, threats, or constant criticism.
Social bullying
Exclusion, spreading rumors, or damaging someone’s reputation.
Physical bullying
Hitting, pushing, or any form of physical intimidation.
Cyberbullying
Harassment through social media, messages, or online platforms.
Recognizing the type of bullying you are dealing with can help you respond more effectively and seek the right support.
Warning Signs of Bullying
Sometimes bullying is not obvious, especially when it happens behind closed doors or online.
Here are some signs that someone may be experiencing bullying:
- Sudden withdrawal from friends or activities
- Changes in mood, anxiety, or depression
- Avoiding certain places or people
- Unexplained injuries or damaged belongings
- Changes in sleep or eating habits
If you notice these signs in yourself or someone else, it is important to take them seriously.
How to Respond to Bullying
Bullying is a complex topic, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fight against it! For a start, recognize the context in which the bullying occurs for you. This will help you develop and implement a strategy to fight it. Then, follow these steps:
- Prepare to stand up to your bully – This can initially escalate the situation but will help you in the long run.
- Prepare your response – Think of things to say when approached by a bully. Shift the focus of the conversation from you to them. Your responses should be assertive, showing your strength. In some cases, especially when you feel emotionally or physically unsafe, choosing your words carefully—even bending the truth—can become a form of self-preservation. Lying to Survive: Is This a Legit Form of Self-Defense? explores this idea in more depth.
- Get allies – Your friends can help you come up with responses. They can also help shift the power balance in your favor if you choose friends who are more popular and influential than your bully. Be careful with this one though—with mob mentality, this can easily become an unfair situation. If you’re at school or somewhere with authority figures, it is better to approach one of them to deal with your bully. Teachers can help diffuse a bully.
- Think ahead and stay prepared – Don’t let the bully catch you by surprise. Always have a response ready if you meet them unexpectedly. Be prepared to act even if you’re in a vulnerable state – don’t let your bully use this moment of your weakness.
- Build resilience and heal – Bullying can leave emotional scars, but over time, you will learn how to stay strong and resilient. Time will also allow you to heal your scars and recover, building confidence and strength in the process.
When you are being bullied, it is easy to react emotionally. But some reactions can actually make the situation worse...
Avoid these common mistakes:
- Ignoring serious bullying for too long
- Responding with aggression or violence
- Isolating yourself from others
- Blaming yourself for what is happening
Bullying is never your fault, and you deserve support.
When to Seek Help for Bullying
You do not have to handle bullying on your own.
Seek help if:
- The bullying is ongoing or escalating
- You feel unsafe physically or emotionally
- It is affecting your mental health
- The situation involves threats or harassment
Talk to a trusted adult, teacher, workplace supervisor, or mental health professional. Getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Stand Strong Against a Bully
Bullying can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime. It’s not your fault that it happens, but you need to do something to make it stop. Stand up to your bully and show them your strength and your worth. Each time you do it, the bully will feel less inclined to abuse you again.
Be aware, and stay safe!
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