Consent is pretty simple. No means no!
Consent in a dating situation has been a hot-button topic lately. Do you need to get it? Do you need to give it? What is it, anyway? Well, never fear! Personal Safety School is here to explain all.
What Is Consent?
Consent in a dating situation is the agreement, between two or more people, to engage in sexual activity. This doesn’t only involve consenting to the sexual activity but how far it will go, and if you’re using safe-words or not. In order for sexual activity to be valid in a dating situation, both parties must provide it. If one partner doesn’t give consent, sexual acts of any kind should NOT be happening. If your partner continues to force sex on you even after you have said no, the sexual act is rape/assault.
Who Can Give Consent?
Parties give legal consent when they are: conscious, of legal age, and where there is an equal power dynamic (as opposed to guard and prisoner, for example.). A person cannot give sexual consent under the threat of intimidation or physical harm. An intoxicated person is not able to say yes with a sound mind, so going forward under these conditions is cause for the law to be involved should one of the parties feel that they did not give consent.
How Do You Give Consent?
Communication with your partner is key when it comes to consent. Making sure you both want to engage in sexual activity is the best way to ensure that your sexual activity is completely consensual. Discussing boundaries or “how far things will go” is also extremely important, that way you and your partner know when to stop.
Reading body language after you have gotten consent is important too, if your partner seems hesitant or stiffens their body, this can indicate that they are “not into it”. If you notice these non-verbal cues, it is wise to stop and talk it out.
A person is allowed to change their mind, if they say yes to sex and suddenly decide to withdraw it, or stop having sex and put their clothes on, it’s important for you to respect their decision. There is no longer consent. No whining, no negotiating, respect their boundaries. You can ask if they want to talk about it, but they don’t have to give you an explanation.
Remember, just because someone had sex with you before, doesn’t mean that they have given permission to engage in future sexual escapades. A kiss doesn’t mean they are okay with performing oral sex or other sex acts. Just because he/she paid for dinner, doesn’t mean you have volunteered for sexual relations.
NOTE: If someone is unable to consent due to being incapacitated, underage, or power dynamics, moving forward with sexual activity is grounds for legal action.
Yes Means Yes, and No Means No!
In most cases, you will know if you have consent from your partner, but the best way to ensure this is to talk about it. Ask if they’re ok with taking things to the next level, and be sure to check on your partner during the act. If you are not sure someone is sober enough to say yes, wait it out.
Be aware and keep safe!
Photo by Igor Rodrigues on Unsplash
